One thing that I've been checking myself on lately is finding that balance between going after my dreams and living in the present.  SOO easy to lose sight of all the wonderful around you because you're so focused on the future.

I'm a workaholic.  I always have been and I probably always will be.  I work hard but I forget to breathe.  It is just as important to play as it is to work.  And I'm not saying "party" I'm saying play.  Playing is getting out there, experiencing nature, experiencing friendships, relationships, co inhabiting the Earth.  We as writers/composers/creatives forget that and get lost in our craft.

Here's what I've discovered and have to constantly re-discover.  My "craft" is not my "life".  It is not the most important thing.  It may be something that sets me apart and "helps" to define me but it is not "all of me".  My friends and family and day to day existence is what makes me.  It's not about the number of songs I can write, or the networking I can create, or the amount of money I make.  It's simply about being there and being aware.

Maybe I got up too early this morning and this is the coffee talking but here it is anyways.  I hope that this speaks to you and helps you to slow down from time to time to experience the little things in life that matter most.

I know I get really frustrated seeing this exact scenario.  Especially as I get older and I see people my age or younger making a good living, buying houses, getting married, starting families; and I'm still plugging along as cheaply as possible, renting as cheaply as possible, holing myself up in my room writing like a crazy lady.  Where's my "success"?

Here's what I have come to discover.  Life will be painful if you're always waiting for that big payoff.  If you don't enjoy the little things along the way, the process, then you're not going to have a very pleasant climb.  I know that it takes years to get "discovered", then years after that to establish yourself once you get your break, and then more years of just pushing and pushing and pushing.  

It's hard.  It does not happen over night.  It is arduous and monotonous and .... hard.  The reason that we do it even at all should be for this core reason; love.  If you don't love what you're doing then you're not doing it right.   I love music and it's what I want my future to be.  I want to make this my career and I will keep at it till there's no love left.

I hope that this helps you and please let me know what you're thinking.  Send me your frustrations and your self discoveries so that we can share them with others.  We could say something that no one ever realized before and help shape their world!  I think that'd be pretty cool;)

Until later,

Jeanna

And then in time the lies become your friend.  Because what we do (write, paint, sing, act, dance, etc.) is not easy.  There is no one there to tell you how to do it.  We're all "winging it" because each path of creativity is different from the last.  And to believe the lie that you're not good enough or, my favorite, "it's not worth it", is easier.  And then we slip.

We lose sight of our dream because it's just too big to hold onto.  We deny that we even wanted it in the first place.  We take back all of our hopes for the future and settle into an existence that we know in the back of our mind is not enough.  Living a "normal" life without our craft will never be enough.  We will never be truly happy because that nagging pestering dream of our "what if" will always be there reminding us of what we walked away from.

We hide under the umbrella of a "normal" existence but it feels forced.  We tell ourselves "this is better anyways", or "why should I try when no one seems to be listening or paying attention?"  

We give up.

So what is it going to be?  Do we take the easy/comfortable road where we know that we can escape from any damage to our hearts?  Or do we fight for what we know we were put on this earth to do?

There's no guarantees.  It will be hard and taxing and take everything out of us to achieve.  We'll lose sleep and probably be broke most of the time.  But is this the only thing that will make us happy?  

If you answered yes YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!

I have gotten a lot of emails recently about these frustrations and I felt it only fair to write on this.  I will update this folder as often as I can and I encourage all of you out there to contribute.  This is a universal subject and I KNOW all of you have felt this way at one point or another.

Email me at jeanna@jeannamurphy.com and tell me what's on your mind.  I'll post it and hopefully we can get a forum of sorts started.

Whether you're in the thick of it right now battling your lies or whether you're a "seasoned pro" in shutting them up, I want to hear from all of you.

Until next time..... keep writing, painting, singing, acting, dancing, etc!!!  NEVER STOP!!!

Jeanna